i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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