I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
