i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The power of my boobs compel you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
