i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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