she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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