hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
