next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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