there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she pinky promised me she was 18
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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