This is not my ceiling
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
