she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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