We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
