just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
