naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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