If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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