So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
