I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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