yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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