just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
