The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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