We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
