He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
