so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you never un-have a 4some
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
