Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
