people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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