Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
