I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
