why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
