Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
