Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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