Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
