You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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