she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
