I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
