Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
