First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
