All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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