addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
