Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
