i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
