Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
