Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
People with herpes should wear stickers.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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