I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
