First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
