I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
