found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
