he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
