after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
