dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
