they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
