Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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