but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
