he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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